I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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