I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
