I cockslap morals
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize