Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
