I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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