you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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