Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
