while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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