he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize