Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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