wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
