you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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