fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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