Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize