I must be too annoying 4 u.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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