3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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