I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
