Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
