omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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