I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
