I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
