Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
