Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
