2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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