You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
