Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
