Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
organizing the empties. That sober.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I want to be your penis for a week.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
