I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize