Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
