You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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