I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize