when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
