3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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