Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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