I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
