just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
