shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
