you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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