Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize