just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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