I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
