I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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