I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
