I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
