Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
