That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
