Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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