1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
