finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
