the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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