His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
