You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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