At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
