ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
