if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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