She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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