I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
