come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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