Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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