4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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