I wanna passion pit in your ass
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
