Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
