Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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