She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
