Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
