I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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